


Forgiveness and Comfort

by Izzy_Valentyn



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: They're just talking, and being cute at the end, if you haven't seen episode 18 don't read, not a whole lot of romance, or any at all, post-caleb backstory, y'all there are spoilers in here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 12:21:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14670999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Izzy_Valentyn/pseuds/Izzy_Valentyn
Summary: With his past back in the forefront of his mind, Caleb hasn't been sleeping lately. Molly notices and tries to help.





	Forgiveness and Comfort

            Nights had not gotten better – Caleb hadn’t expected them to, but he would be a fool if he didn’t admit that he had held out some kind of hope that it would after speaking of the horrors that plagued his mind. No, instead saying them aloud, letting them be known only made them more vivid. The only thing he was thankful for was that he didn’t wake up screaming when the dreams, the memories, dragged him from sleep.

            Eventually he gave up on sleep altogether, volunteering for watch night after night, staying up reading. He suffered for it – he wasn’t as effective in the odd encounter-turned-fight, he wasn’t as sharp in awareness – but he preferred this suffering to the alternative.

            Molly knew the look – from experience – of a haunted man, had picked up on the feel of it the moment he laid eyes on Caleb. He knew that they needed time to recover, to find themselves again. But in the short time he had known him, Caleb didn’t seem to be getting better; sure, he had slowly begun emerging from his shell, but since the Harvest Close Festival, the shell seemed to be growing with him, overtaking him again.

            He wanted to ask him why, figure out what was wrong, but he knew that Caleb wouldn’t tell him. Hell, if Molly himself hadn’t been literally forced to own up to everything he had been and was currently, he knew he wouldn’t have mentioned a single thing about his past, no matter who asked. Instead, he opted for quiet companionship, going and sitting beside the human near the small fire at the end of his watch.

            What could he say, how could he even attempt to help if he didn’t know what was plaguing the man?

            “I don’t know,” Molly started, speaking before his brain had fully formed the words. “What’s been keeping you up lately, but I wanted you to know...”

            “That you’re here for me?” Caleb finished dryly, not looking up from the tome on his lap. Despite how many times Molly had seen him with it, Caleb never seemed finished with it. “While I appreciate the thought, this is not something people can be... here for.”

            Molly sighed. “Right. Well, humor me, Caleb. I’m not going to ask you what the matter is – you can tell me or you can keep it in. But I want you to know that... if it’s something in your past – don’t.” He put up a hand when Caleb opened his mouth to speak. “Don’t say whether it was or not, it isn’t any of my business – if it is, that person? He who was before? He isn’t you. That person’s dead, yeah?”

            Caleb kept his face carefully blank, but nodded after an almost-too-long moment. “He’s dead, _ja_.” _He died with my parents, he died in the asylum I can’t rememberanythingfromtheasylum and it’s because he’sdeadhe’sdeadhe’sdead._

“Good.” His voice cut through his tired, spiraling thoughts. “And the person I see in front of me. He is alive. He is brilliant, and driven, and good. I see you, Caleb.”

            Caleb finally looked up from the book, but he didn’t look at Molly. He just stared into the barely illuminated, silent.

            The tiefling took this silence as a signal to leave him alone and started to get up, brushing dirt off of his pants when –

            “If you really saw me you wouldn’t like what you’d find.” And his voice was so... quiet. So tentative, so broken.

            Molly sat again. “Who’s truly beautiful on the inside? Answer me that,” he responded. “Tell me one person who doesn’t have something terrible festering inside their head, someone without a skeleton in their closet. We’ve all done terrible, unforgiveable things, but it’s the people we are in the moment that matters. Would the current version of yourself do whatever it is that’s tearing you up inside?”

            “No.” _IwanttotakeitbackIneedto-_

“Then that’s all I care about. That’s all you need to care about. The past is the past, and it hurts, sure. But you can’t carry it with you forever, it’ll drive you insane – and look at you, you’re already part of the way there.”

            A startled, breathless laugh at that. Molly smiled, relieved to hear the sound.

            “Do your best to free yourself of it, okay? Don’t wallow.” He moved to get up again, only to be stopped by a hand around his wrist.

            “I...” Caleb started. _Sitting with you has made me feel the most at peace as I have felt in days. Stay._ “Can I pull my sleeping bag into your tent?”

            Molly tilted his head a little. “Nott’s taken it hostage, but mine has plenty of room, if we cuddle.” Even in the dim lighting, he could see the wizard’s face flush.

            “I’ll sleepoutherethank you,” he said in a rush, releasing him.

            “Oh no you won’t.” A violet hand closed around his pale wrist and he was pulled up. “We’re going to cuddle and you’re going to love it.”

 

            The dreams did not come that night.


End file.
